It's the recess week and truly it doesn't feel like a break.
Topics covered:
5/7 of PPDA
1/4 of Physio,
3/5 for Anat.
2 effective days left meaning i got to cover an avg of 4 topics a day. Dang.
The DSR over the weekend was good. A time to get away from it all, too bad it ended pretty fast. Can't wait for the december holidays. Anyways products from Cowtime:
The LORD is with me,
the One on whom I depend.
He is my help and my strength;
Loving Father, Wonderful Counsellor, Faithful Friend.
The LORD is with me,
wherever I may go.
The heavens, the depths, or the seas;
wherever I am, he will know.
The LORD is with me,
do not be afraid.
Though my enemies surround me,
My God will come to my aid.
The LORD is with me,
the path of life he has shown.
I find pure joy in His presence,
I know I will never be alone.
The LORD is with me,
He is most worthy of praise,
His love, His goodness and his deeds,
be on my lips all my days.
And from cow time 2:
The Most High's Shelter,
where I find my rest;
my fortress and my refuge,
able to withstand any trail or rest.
Under the feathers of His wings,
I know I am safe and secure.
My strong shield and tower,
whose faithfulness ever endures.
The LORD is my rock,
the horn of my salvation.
The one who protects, who rescues,
who gave His life for His creation.
Yup... to summarise in 1 word - comfort.
Back to mugging...
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
half a year on...
*static charge*... zap...
*static charge*... zap...
Back online...
Hey all, this is my first blog post in over half a year. My gosh... I guess it has really been some time since i posted anything on my blog and examined what has been happening with my life; or at least all that can be revealed online.
For the past six months in summary: TRACKERS from january to april(comprising lessons, mission trip to X, church internship, yong en and fairfield) Love Cambodia trip in april. Taiwan Boys Trip in May. Temp job (with a case of food poisoning) in June.
Has it been fufilling? Yes and no. I guess due to our human condition... things can be so much better - the way God intended it to be. Current struggle is aptly described my CS Lewis:
Imagine turning a tin soldier into a real little man. It would involve turning the tin into flesh. And suppose the tin soldier did not like it. He is not interested in flesh: all he sees is that the tin is being spoilt. He thinks you are killing him. He will do everything he can to prevent you. He will not be made into a man if he can help it.
The tin man: our fallen human self
real little man: new man(creation) in Christ.
I remembered this point in time during my first mission trip where my heart wasn't right and perhaps now still isn't right at times. I'm sure it is important to serve with the correct heart, but one thing i learnt was that despite that, we have something which affects things, and that is choice or "free will".
And as we choose to put on Christ and conform to his will, being humble and submitting to him, things happen for the better in the sense of my relationship with God. On the contrary, when we choose to conform back to the tin man( the self-centered carnel self), stumbling blocks and trash enters our walk. And when we come back to Jesus(being yielded and submitted to Him), by His love and grace can these things be cleaned out, and ourselves be purified. Nonetheless for all the sins I have commited, when that time comes I'll have to answer to God and be judged. Sometimes, he'll waver the consequences(punishment) and that is by His grace, and if he doesn't, I'll trust His judgement that it is best(though my carnel self will probably loathe it) and faith is needed for that.
"So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation"
~So goodbye tin man and welcome new creation... it is a process, not instantaneous per say though relative to an infinite amount of time seems rather so.
Nearing the end of TRACKERS, i remembered one of our asst mentor/tracker keith mentioned that our spiritual walk was sometimes like a video game. Like going through experiences which strengthen us and build us up until we reach a certain level, then at that point we can save like a save file. SO next time if we rise and then stumble, we can like fall back onto that save file. In a way that is true, but I found something that can 'delete' so called these saved files. Spiritual Pride which in turn leads to disobedience. Not instinctive disobedience but willful disobedience and urgh... a sin which pulls you away from God like no other, have experienced it post-trackers and i'm so sorry it has happened. Only against God have i sinned.
"Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge."
~spiritual pride is evil, indeed a deadly sin where many other sins can stem forth from, painful pruning and humbling, here I come.
Spiritual Bankruptcy. A theme that came to me after the mission trip - the first hint of my spiritual pride. That I, me myself had acheived something by going for trackers and a mission trip serving God, that I was somewhere in my walk. Thinking that i wasn't that spiritually poor already and had acheived some "Spiritual value". Oh how I was reminded that nothing comes except from God and his grace, so that indeed it is by grace and faith, not by works. I am a sinner in need of a saviour, just like any human being on this planet; a creation of God, fallen and yet still loved.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
~I will always be poor. I have to constantly be reminded that I am but a man, and nothing I do can make God reveal Himself to me unless he does so, thus i shall not boast in anything I acheive, for it is Christ's not mine.
Taiwan Trip... got to see God in nature. Both in the aquarium and also at yangmingshan. When one sees nature, the majestic mountains, the lush and pleasing greenery, the wonderful contours of the evening sky, the unique varieties of life. I stand in awe feeling so small, knowing that indeed someone Great has created all these. A glimpse of His glory through his creation.
"all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,
the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.
O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!"
~In awe...
Food poisoning and temping. Admin work is... playing a boring computer game hours on end. But do it to your best because God has given you the abilities He has chosen to give you and thus you should do it properly and well. Food poisoning was on the 3rd day of work. I suspect it's P*****, but no idea. Diarrhoea and puking, coupled with a fever at 39 degrees plus, not nice. But I thank God that it wasn't beyond what i could bear and somehow the experience showed me why I chose pharmacy. Drugs not only orally but suppositories and IV as well.
"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise."
~I have indeed been helped, healed and saved during this time in early June. Thanks be to God.
Typing all these, I can say this first and foremost. I am not holy for I believe that is reserved for the Lord God Almighty and His sanctified places. I am a sinner, a work being worked on and chiseled at, being moulded and oven-baked. Painful in a way yet something undeniably needed. As an athelete experiences pain in training, so does one in his/her spiritual walk. Stumbles and falls I'll probably have, God is faithful though and falling and the same crags and crannies over and over again i know things have to be worked on, with God my helper I have the full confidence that I will be helped, now it comes to the issue of being fully yielded to Him. The battlefield of freewill. Now going through disciple, I hope to know God more (after 2 years) because I know he wants me to know Him more. Be it through bible study or other means, I know that whatever I learn comes becaused he allowed it so and not because of my efforts. May i be still enough to listen.
Truly post-ORD, I have never expected my 1st half of 2009 to happen as it has. Truly amazing are the plans God has for us and the days he has ordained here on earth and even more so when we turn to Him.
PS: To all my friends who read this, thank you for taking the time to read until the end of the post haha. I would like to say that I am no better than anyone be they Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist, Taoist... because at the end of the day, we have all fallen and remembering the original plan, we were all created in His image.
Love(Agape) you all!
*static charge*... zap...
Back online...
Hey all, this is my first blog post in over half a year. My gosh... I guess it has really been some time since i posted anything on my blog and examined what has been happening with my life; or at least all that can be revealed online.
For the past six months in summary: TRACKERS from january to april(comprising lessons, mission trip to X, church internship, yong en and fairfield) Love Cambodia trip in april. Taiwan Boys Trip in May. Temp job (with a case of food poisoning) in June.
Has it been fufilling? Yes and no. I guess due to our human condition... things can be so much better - the way God intended it to be. Current struggle is aptly described my CS Lewis:
Imagine turning a tin soldier into a real little man. It would involve turning the tin into flesh. And suppose the tin soldier did not like it. He is not interested in flesh: all he sees is that the tin is being spoilt. He thinks you are killing him. He will do everything he can to prevent you. He will not be made into a man if he can help it.
The tin man: our fallen human self
real little man: new man(creation) in Christ.
I remembered this point in time during my first mission trip where my heart wasn't right and perhaps now still isn't right at times. I'm sure it is important to serve with the correct heart, but one thing i learnt was that despite that, we have something which affects things, and that is choice or "free will".
And as we choose to put on Christ and conform to his will, being humble and submitting to him, things happen for the better in the sense of my relationship with God. On the contrary, when we choose to conform back to the tin man( the self-centered carnel self), stumbling blocks and trash enters our walk. And when we come back to Jesus(being yielded and submitted to Him), by His love and grace can these things be cleaned out, and ourselves be purified. Nonetheless for all the sins I have commited, when that time comes I'll have to answer to God and be judged. Sometimes, he'll waver the consequences(punishment) and that is by His grace, and if he doesn't, I'll trust His judgement that it is best(though my carnel self will probably loathe it) and faith is needed for that.
"So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation"
~So goodbye tin man and welcome new creation... it is a process, not instantaneous per say though relative to an infinite amount of time seems rather so.
Nearing the end of TRACKERS, i remembered one of our asst mentor/tracker keith mentioned that our spiritual walk was sometimes like a video game. Like going through experiences which strengthen us and build us up until we reach a certain level, then at that point we can save like a save file. SO next time if we rise and then stumble, we can like fall back onto that save file. In a way that is true, but I found something that can 'delete' so called these saved files. Spiritual Pride which in turn leads to disobedience. Not instinctive disobedience but willful disobedience and urgh... a sin which pulls you away from God like no other, have experienced it post-trackers and i'm so sorry it has happened. Only against God have i sinned.
"Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge."
~spiritual pride is evil, indeed a deadly sin where many other sins can stem forth from, painful pruning and humbling, here I come.
Spiritual Bankruptcy. A theme that came to me after the mission trip - the first hint of my spiritual pride. That I, me myself had acheived something by going for trackers and a mission trip serving God, that I was somewhere in my walk. Thinking that i wasn't that spiritually poor already and had acheived some "Spiritual value". Oh how I was reminded that nothing comes except from God and his grace, so that indeed it is by grace and faith, not by works. I am a sinner in need of a saviour, just like any human being on this planet; a creation of God, fallen and yet still loved.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
~I will always be poor. I have to constantly be reminded that I am but a man, and nothing I do can make God reveal Himself to me unless he does so, thus i shall not boast in anything I acheive, for it is Christ's not mine.
Taiwan Trip... got to see God in nature. Both in the aquarium and also at yangmingshan. When one sees nature, the majestic mountains, the lush and pleasing greenery, the wonderful contours of the evening sky, the unique varieties of life. I stand in awe feeling so small, knowing that indeed someone Great has created all these. A glimpse of His glory through his creation.
"all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,
the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.
O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!"
~In awe...
Food poisoning and temping. Admin work is... playing a boring computer game hours on end. But do it to your best because God has given you the abilities He has chosen to give you and thus you should do it properly and well. Food poisoning was on the 3rd day of work. I suspect it's P*****, but no idea. Diarrhoea and puking, coupled with a fever at 39 degrees plus, not nice. But I thank God that it wasn't beyond what i could bear and somehow the experience showed me why I chose pharmacy. Drugs not only orally but suppositories and IV as well.
"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise."
~I have indeed been helped, healed and saved during this time in early June. Thanks be to God.
Typing all these, I can say this first and foremost. I am not holy for I believe that is reserved for the Lord God Almighty and His sanctified places. I am a sinner, a work being worked on and chiseled at, being moulded and oven-baked. Painful in a way yet something undeniably needed. As an athelete experiences pain in training, so does one in his/her spiritual walk. Stumbles and falls I'll probably have, God is faithful though and falling and the same crags and crannies over and over again i know things have to be worked on, with God my helper I have the full confidence that I will be helped, now it comes to the issue of being fully yielded to Him. The battlefield of freewill. Now going through disciple, I hope to know God more (after 2 years) because I know he wants me to know Him more. Be it through bible study or other means, I know that whatever I learn comes becaused he allowed it so and not because of my efforts. May i be still enough to listen.
Truly post-ORD, I have never expected my 1st half of 2009 to happen as it has. Truly amazing are the plans God has for us and the days he has ordained here on earth and even more so when we turn to Him.
PS: To all my friends who read this, thank you for taking the time to read until the end of the post haha. I would like to say that I am no better than anyone be they Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist, Taoist... because at the end of the day, we have all fallen and remembering the original plan, we were all created in His image.
Love(Agape) you all!
Friday, January 02, 2009
2009
Mabandod:
"Insipid beginning with vacuous time.
Vagrant odyssey; an arduous climb.
Solitary ambiance with aid unseen.
insurmountable peak; a hopeless scene."
Agwedd:
An archer draws his bow,
A warrior braces his body.
Before rage unleash her fury,
a moment of calm serenity.
The clock strikes; sanity is lost!
Instinct takes over, reason is tossed.
The whirl of an arrow, the slash of a blade,
a breath to take. a breath too late.
The flame of battle; virtues are hazed,
hope and faith, a yonder length.
Bewildered hearts, wandering souls,
confounded minds, waning strength.
"Insipid beginning with vacuous time.
Vagrant odyssey; an arduous climb.
Solitary ambiance with aid unseen.
insurmountable peak; a hopeless scene."
Agwedd:
An archer draws his bow,
A warrior braces his body.
Before rage unleash her fury,
a moment of calm serenity.
The clock strikes; sanity is lost!
Instinct takes over, reason is tossed.
The whirl of an arrow, the slash of a blade,
a breath to take. a breath too late.
The flame of battle; virtues are hazed,
hope and faith, a yonder length.
Bewildered hearts, wandering souls,
confounded minds, waning strength.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Trackers, Roomless and On a Pale Horse
Once again... after having a room for 1 month (after ORD :p)... I'm roomless again. My brother's friend from japan is the new resident haha. Quite cool though, she owns a hill in japan!
Anyways, submitted the trackers registration form today. Whether I'll be going or not, it'll be in God's hands I guess? Saw jeremy during his lunch time and haha he look pretty reliefed being away from his kids lol.
Was reading 'On a pale horse' today and am still reading it. It's about a guy called Zane (sounds like my friend Zames) andhe's a guy who killed death and had to take his place... taking the souls of the world. It's quite a warped reality where science and magic is incorporated into everyday lives meaning that comfortable cars are a mode of travel as well as flying carpets. Even though it is in like an alter-reality, the themes and undertones are very earthly. The flaws of beuracracies; moral and ethical struggles; the lure of sin and the futility of following it. Then there are warped aspects where incantations such as Death, Time, Fate, War and Nature are actually offices held by people (like Zane who took the role of Death). Anyway one moral issue which stood out for me was the one related to euthanesia/ mercy killing.
If a person now... being sustained only by life sustaining equipment eg. heart-lung machine has absolutely no hope of recovery and is in agony to the point where he/she wishes for death instead of living, does it make it right then for the person to die by his/her choice?
If a so-called deemed terminally ill patient is kept alive only to die resulting in like a huge financial burden for his family/ loved ones is it 'better' to die then? What then... if the person would recover by a miracle the next day but you ended his/her life today?
Just yesterday though, there was a report of a little girl of 7, Dora, who was on the heart-lung machine, more specifically the Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation (Ecmo) machine for 21 days! as quoted from AsiaOne 'The surgeon revealed that in Singapore, the longest survival under Ecmo was 21 days for an adult patient. But for a 7-year-old to last that long on the machine would prove to be too much.' And this little girl of 7 managed to survive and recover from this ordeal! Showing improvement only on the 20th day. As a doctor once said... healthcare was meant to improve the quality of life... not the quantity of life. So Euthanesia? Stem cells? Food for thought...
Anyways... the amazing article can be found here.
Anyways, submitted the trackers registration form today. Whether I'll be going or not, it'll be in God's hands I guess? Saw jeremy during his lunch time and haha he look pretty reliefed being away from his kids lol.
Was reading 'On a pale horse' today and am still reading it. It's about a guy called Zane (sounds like my friend Zames) andhe's a guy who killed death and had to take his place... taking the souls of the world. It's quite a warped reality where science and magic is incorporated into everyday lives meaning that comfortable cars are a mode of travel as well as flying carpets. Even though it is in like an alter-reality, the themes and undertones are very earthly. The flaws of beuracracies; moral and ethical struggles; the lure of sin and the futility of following it. Then there are warped aspects where incantations such as Death, Time, Fate, War and Nature are actually offices held by people (like Zane who took the role of Death). Anyway one moral issue which stood out for me was the one related to euthanesia/ mercy killing.
If a person now... being sustained only by life sustaining equipment eg. heart-lung machine has absolutely no hope of recovery and is in agony to the point where he/she wishes for death instead of living, does it make it right then for the person to die by his/her choice?
If a so-called deemed terminally ill patient is kept alive only to die resulting in like a huge financial burden for his family/ loved ones is it 'better' to die then? What then... if the person would recover by a miracle the next day but you ended his/her life today?
Just yesterday though, there was a report of a little girl of 7, Dora, who was on the heart-lung machine, more specifically the Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation (Ecmo) machine for 21 days! as quoted from AsiaOne 'The surgeon revealed that in Singapore, the longest survival under Ecmo was 21 days for an adult patient. But for a 7-year-old to last that long on the machine would prove to be too much.' And this little girl of 7 managed to survive and recover from this ordeal! Showing improvement only on the 20th day. As a doctor once said... healthcare was meant to improve the quality of life... not the quantity of life. So Euthanesia? Stem cells? Food for thought...
Anyways... the amazing article can be found here.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Running Routes and Job Hunting
Currently these are the 2 running routes i have sourced out from my house:
The yellow line indicates the starting path shared by both. Near Kallang MRT, it splits into orange (esplanade) and green (indoor stadium).
The esplanade route has been quite a hassle because of alot of construction work will push you to the roadside where the fume monsters are. So recently, i have found the indoor stadium route which is slightly shorter but generally rather clear from the roadside except for the part where you have to go under a major road. If I extend the green route down south even more, I should be able to hit the marina barrage but that would be a 14km - 16km run... bleah. When i get my fitness back.
Anyways, going to apply for driving later and job hunting as been rather a hassle (should have done my CV in JC). Relief teaching in fairfield is quite hard because they're looking for those teaching history. Maybe a teaching assistant at NJ? The best would be a pharmacy assistant at some clinic/hospital. But without working experience, that is kinda hard to get. Ok... time to go to Ubi
The yellow line indicates the starting path shared by both. Near Kallang MRT, it splits into orange (esplanade) and green (indoor stadium).
The esplanade route has been quite a hassle because of alot of construction work will push you to the roadside where the fume monsters are. So recently, i have found the indoor stadium route which is slightly shorter but generally rather clear from the roadside except for the part where you have to go under a major road. If I extend the green route down south even more, I should be able to hit the marina barrage but that would be a 14km - 16km run... bleah. When i get my fitness back.
Anyways, going to apply for driving later and job hunting as been rather a hassle (should have done my CV in JC). Relief teaching in fairfield is quite hard because they're looking for those teaching history. Maybe a teaching assistant at NJ? The best would be a pharmacy assistant at some clinic/hospital. But without working experience, that is kinda hard to get. Ok... time to go to Ubi
Thursday, October 09, 2008
A Typical F Field Camp
A typical F field camp. F for Foxtrot, not the expletive but F for Foxtrot, my company.
The core of all Foxtrot outfields... rain. As with all my other field camps with foxtrot, rain has always been present; section, defensive, offensive, section refresher and now this one.
Imagine being soaked through your uniform, your socks, your underwear with rainwater in the middle of the night. You try to sleep but the cold is like a blockade between you and your place of serene tranquility; an impregnable barrier. You shiver... you pray and you shiver some more; until fatigue overcomes you and you knock out. Even when you manage to get wisps of sleep, you are waken up intermittently by the cold.
The worse night i've experienced thus far was defensive. Imagine this: You are digging your fire trench with your buddy when you hear the clash of thunder, followed by the ruffling of the canopy before you finally feel the relentless pattering of rain drops. You feel heavier because of the downpour which has soaked you. You see the dirt you have strenuously dug up being washed into your hole again. Eventually the water level rises above your boots and you realise you have to drain the water out before you can continue your digging. You take out your mess tin/mug to scoop out the water before you are able to continue digging. Eventually you realise the downpour is so heavy that you spend more time scooping out water rather than digging; your morale drops to the point you see it pointless to dig. You lie beside your trench on a groundsheet laid out by your buddy and try to get some rest. The rain constantly beats down on your face yet you are so shag you eventually knock out. About an hour later, you wake up shivering because your are on the edge of hyperthermia. You shiver continually and you keep on looking at your watch waiting for morning to come yet tick..... tick...... tick....... time passes second by second, almost not passing at all. Your officer then comes down and orders you to continue digging, yet the only thing on your mind is the bitter cold and the despairing task ahead.
Cut the long story short, eventually me and my buddy went to my sect comd/group 3 trench and started burning everything (solid fuel, kiwi, biscuits, paper) we could for heat. We managed to generate heat for an hour and a half before suffering the cold again. When the rain stopped, my buddy and I emptied out the water from the trench which was at waist-level before continue digging.
This field camp, another of my mortal enemies was present... balls and groin abrasion. Walking more than 20km with abrasion = not nice. The trek was screwed up! We started at upper thomson road because the gate to our starting point was locked! We had to wade across waist level stream or 2... walk along a narrow trek through the night filled with pot holes, roots and steep slopes where you held hands in a line just to get down safely. After walking for 7 hours, I was out of water because I was too lazy to carry my waterbag (lesson learnt) and got scolded for having a resup. Next, you cross through a drain which stinks like crap and you cross the water getting all wet again before waiting there for sometime because the front isn't moving. 10 hours and 16km plus of continuous walking... crap. Seriously my eyes were half-closed towards the end and I was seriously sleep-walking some parts, crap seriously. The silver lining though... I was praying continually, helps prayer life doesn't it?
Well... 3 more of these before i ORD!
Rants of a rifleman...
The core of all Foxtrot outfields... rain. As with all my other field camps with foxtrot, rain has always been present; section, defensive, offensive, section refresher and now this one.
Imagine being soaked through your uniform, your socks, your underwear with rainwater in the middle of the night. You try to sleep but the cold is like a blockade between you and your place of serene tranquility; an impregnable barrier. You shiver... you pray and you shiver some more; until fatigue overcomes you and you knock out. Even when you manage to get wisps of sleep, you are waken up intermittently by the cold.
The worse night i've experienced thus far was defensive. Imagine this: You are digging your fire trench with your buddy when you hear the clash of thunder, followed by the ruffling of the canopy before you finally feel the relentless pattering of rain drops. You feel heavier because of the downpour which has soaked you. You see the dirt you have strenuously dug up being washed into your hole again. Eventually the water level rises above your boots and you realise you have to drain the water out before you can continue your digging. You take out your mess tin/mug to scoop out the water before you are able to continue digging. Eventually you realise the downpour is so heavy that you spend more time scooping out water rather than digging; your morale drops to the point you see it pointless to dig. You lie beside your trench on a groundsheet laid out by your buddy and try to get some rest. The rain constantly beats down on your face yet you are so shag you eventually knock out. About an hour later, you wake up shivering because your are on the edge of hyperthermia. You shiver continually and you keep on looking at your watch waiting for morning to come yet tick..... tick...... tick....... time passes second by second, almost not passing at all. Your officer then comes down and orders you to continue digging, yet the only thing on your mind is the bitter cold and the despairing task ahead.
Cut the long story short, eventually me and my buddy went to my sect comd/group 3 trench and started burning everything (solid fuel, kiwi, biscuits, paper) we could for heat. We managed to generate heat for an hour and a half before suffering the cold again. When the rain stopped, my buddy and I emptied out the water from the trench which was at waist-level before continue digging.
This field camp, another of my mortal enemies was present... balls and groin abrasion. Walking more than 20km with abrasion = not nice. The trek was screwed up! We started at upper thomson road because the gate to our starting point was locked! We had to wade across waist level stream or 2... walk along a narrow trek through the night filled with pot holes, roots and steep slopes where you held hands in a line just to get down safely. After walking for 7 hours, I was out of water because I was too lazy to carry my waterbag (lesson learnt) and got scolded for having a resup. Next, you cross through a drain which stinks like crap and you cross the water getting all wet again before waiting there for sometime because the front isn't moving. 10 hours and 16km plus of continuous walking... crap. Seriously my eyes were half-closed towards the end and I was seriously sleep-walking some parts, crap seriously. The silver lining though... I was praying continually, helps prayer life doesn't it?
Well... 3 more of these before i ORD!
Rants of a rifleman...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Dreams...
Dreams...
As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.
I used to dream on a rather regular basis back during my sec school and JC days... now i dream only when i'm in camp or on duty. Guess i have many cares in army? Oneirology is the study of dreams... Dreams were one thought to be solely the domain of the subconcious... but various studies indicated then it involves several parts of the brain.
Do dreams carry meanings? I bet they do. Remember Joseph? He had the gift to intepret dreams.
So as I'm clearing leave this week.. I shall embark on some Oneiology.... let's see how things go...
As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.
I used to dream on a rather regular basis back during my sec school and JC days... now i dream only when i'm in camp or on duty. Guess i have many cares in army? Oneirology is the study of dreams... Dreams were one thought to be solely the domain of the subconcious... but various studies indicated then it involves several parts of the brain.
Do dreams carry meanings? I bet they do. Remember Joseph? He had the gift to intepret dreams.
So as I'm clearing leave this week.. I shall embark on some Oneiology.... let's see how things go...
Sunday, July 27, 2008
She who bears the name of ...
Soft, delicate innocent demure,
she lays there, crafty allure.
Doubts, hesitations and anxiety,
strangely but surely they disappear.
Morals, principles and beliefs;
things pale in the presence of her.
Opportunity knocks but once,
yet she's there till the door's ajar.
Chase... chase her away you may;
if not flee... run... even fly away.
However... however she'll always be near,
waiting patiently for you to sway.
Peace you may hope for,
with her peace you'll never get.
Lest you succumb to her,
which then... maybe... no definitely you'll regret.
Drats, indeed she's sly and complex,
leaving me drained and feeble; I can only fret.
Is there anything which i may do?
To get away...far from her grasp;
to unbind the shackles i've carelessly latched.
Slowly but surely I must overcome.
Ensure too that i stick to the narrow path.
With a steadfast resolution to last.
Yes... it may work, I'll be free.
Immense effort demanded but I'll be free!
Vigil, persistence and strength I need;
Close fellowships are welcomed indeed.
Yes! Alas! She'll be gone... to solitary isolation.
She... she who bears the name of ...
she lays there, crafty allure.
Doubts, hesitations and anxiety,
strangely but surely they disappear.
Morals, principles and beliefs;
things pale in the presence of her.
Opportunity knocks but once,
yet she's there till the door's ajar.
Chase... chase her away you may;
if not flee... run... even fly away.
However... however she'll always be near,
waiting patiently for you to sway.
Peace you may hope for,
with her peace you'll never get.
Lest you succumb to her,
which then... maybe... no definitely you'll regret.
Drats, indeed she's sly and complex,
leaving me drained and feeble; I can only fret.
Is there anything which i may do?
To get away...far from her grasp;
to unbind the shackles i've carelessly latched.
Slowly but surely I must overcome.
Ensure too that i stick to the narrow path.
With a steadfast resolution to last.
Yes... it may work, I'll be free.
Immense effort demanded but I'll be free!
Vigil, persistence and strength I need;
Close fellowships are welcomed indeed.
Yes! Alas! She'll be gone... to solitary isolation.
She... she who bears the name of ...
Saturday, July 05, 2008
A warrior's argument
"Honour and glory? A warrior's life is void of it!"
"Fighting for righteousness? Fighting for peace? Fighting for God and country?"
"What does it mean for you to fight?"
"To defend my loved ones, to protect the weak, to aid the helpless, to free the opressed!"
"What then do you need to win a battle, to win a war?"
"Strength and courage, wits and sharpness, vigil and endurance."
"At the core of it, do you not need to kill?"
"Should the need arise... yes. It is but an unfortunate product of war."
"Is killing not a sin; the transgression of a moral principle?"
"Well... it isn't pleasant nor do i derive pleasure from it."
"Then why do you kill?"
"It is unavoidable in war! I would rather be free of this moral burden... but in battle, should the need arise... it becomes a dastardly neccessity."
"A neccessity? Tell a mother, a widow, a daughter who lossed a loved one that is was a neccessity that their father, their husband, their son had to die!"
"If it wasn't them, It would be I who is in the grave."
"And therefore you kill."
"Yes..."
"In preperation for a battle, we are drilled in the techniques of killing; trained to fight with aggresion, to fight without fear, are we not?
"True..."
"What drives aggresion?"
"Anger... rage?"
"Is one fearless when death is knocking on the door intermitently, when writhed faces stare at you with their last breaths?"
"No."
"Anger and fear - derived from the deadly sin of wrath is it not? You draw your strength from anger, sometimes to an extent where the sea of red overcomes you; you kill brutally, savagely, mercilessly. Your fear causes you to react without thought, it nurtures the selfishness in you, it destroys the tranquility of your soul!"
"..."
"Do you call killing someone's father, husband or son honour? Is being reduced to your animal-like instincts glorious?"
"..."
"Isn't killing an intrinsic aspect of a warriors life; like wings of a bird, hoofs of a horse. Killing is an integral way of life of a warriot rather than just an evil by-product."
"..."
"Speechless now are you not you self-righteous fool?"
"Well..."
"Well what?"
"Well... would anyone with a sane mind, with an ounce of goodness in them, enter a battle just for the sake of killing?"
"I... I... I don't think so."
"Would anyone with a tinge of righteousness, enter a war for the sake to experience bloodlust, to experience killing without any legitimate reason?"
"Probably not..."
"Would anyone with loved ones leave their homes for the sake of killing when they themselves could be seized by death without notice?"
"No... I guess not."
"Why then, do warriors do battle? Why do kingdoms and nations fight wars? Why do they do so even with the knowledge that people will kill and be killed?"
"Because there are things worth fighting for?"
"Even worth killing? Dare I say muder?"
"Probably?"
"I ask you then, why did you choose this brutal unforgiving path of a warrior? To kill? For gold and repute? For freedom?"
"For peace..."
"For Peace? Oh, the irony of it, to fight for peace!"
"Our kingdom has been in chaos since the fall of our King. The Royal family has been in strife for that coveted throne, order in the kingdom has been lost. Didn't you join the army also with the hope of restoring the peace we once had?"
"Yes... then i shall pose another question."
"You sure have alot of questions..."
"In raiding the bandits, killing the outlaws, forestalling the rebels and terrorist destroying the peace, do you see yourself fighting for peace?"
"Sadly... no."
"You realise that through our battles, through our raids, through the fights and killings we witness and survive that the unlawful people we kill are very human; that we too destroy some other people's peace."
"True."
"We are warriors who started with noble ambitions, with righteous reasons and good hearts... Ultimately though, we are foot soldiers and these goals are not plausible; we do not see them happening nor being accomplished. We have learnt how to kill and we only know how to kill. We have lost those noble goals because we do not see them! What we have left is to fight for honour and glory."
"Honour and glory? What honour and glory? There is no honour nor glory in a warriors life. Didn't you derive that conclusion yourself?"
"Our honour and glory comes from giving our all in fighting. In fighting, we do our best in order to complete our mission at hand, in order to survive... and most importantly, to ensure that our brother in arms return in one piece. Through my battles, my honour and glory comes from doing the best for my brothers till i have breathed my last breath. We are probably still alive not solely on luck or fate; but because someone took a blow for us, someone covered our back, someone,who sacrificed himself for you and I. Therefore I will give my all for my brother in arms for what was done for me; sacrificing what i have to give, my morals, even my life. Giving my all; that is the greatest act of love for my comrade, that is my Honour and Glory!"
"Hoho... I guess that is true when you put it that way."
"My brother in arms... for Honour and Glory, till death do us part."
"I rather we live pass this tumultuous period and go back to our peaceful lives."
"Indeed.. indeed. Woe to us though, for I think peace would be a concept we grasp no longer when this is over."
"Fighting for righteousness? Fighting for peace? Fighting for God and country?"
"What does it mean for you to fight?"
"To defend my loved ones, to protect the weak, to aid the helpless, to free the opressed!"
"What then do you need to win a battle, to win a war?"
"Strength and courage, wits and sharpness, vigil and endurance."
"At the core of it, do you not need to kill?"
"Should the need arise... yes. It is but an unfortunate product of war."
"Is killing not a sin; the transgression of a moral principle?"
"Well... it isn't pleasant nor do i derive pleasure from it."
"Then why do you kill?"
"It is unavoidable in war! I would rather be free of this moral burden... but in battle, should the need arise... it becomes a dastardly neccessity."
"A neccessity? Tell a mother, a widow, a daughter who lossed a loved one that is was a neccessity that their father, their husband, their son had to die!"
"If it wasn't them, It would be I who is in the grave."
"And therefore you kill."
"Yes..."
"In preperation for a battle, we are drilled in the techniques of killing; trained to fight with aggresion, to fight without fear, are we not?
"True..."
"What drives aggresion?"
"Anger... rage?"
"Is one fearless when death is knocking on the door intermitently, when writhed faces stare at you with their last breaths?"
"No."
"Anger and fear - derived from the deadly sin of wrath is it not? You draw your strength from anger, sometimes to an extent where the sea of red overcomes you; you kill brutally, savagely, mercilessly. Your fear causes you to react without thought, it nurtures the selfishness in you, it destroys the tranquility of your soul!"
"..."
"Do you call killing someone's father, husband or son honour? Is being reduced to your animal-like instincts glorious?"
"..."
"Isn't killing an intrinsic aspect of a warriors life; like wings of a bird, hoofs of a horse. Killing is an integral way of life of a warriot rather than just an evil by-product."
"..."
"Speechless now are you not you self-righteous fool?"
"Well..."
"Well what?"
"Well... would anyone with a sane mind, with an ounce of goodness in them, enter a battle just for the sake of killing?"
"I... I... I don't think so."
"Would anyone with a tinge of righteousness, enter a war for the sake to experience bloodlust, to experience killing without any legitimate reason?"
"Probably not..."
"Would anyone with loved ones leave their homes for the sake of killing when they themselves could be seized by death without notice?"
"No... I guess not."
"Why then, do warriors do battle? Why do kingdoms and nations fight wars? Why do they do so even with the knowledge that people will kill and be killed?"
"Because there are things worth fighting for?"
"Even worth killing? Dare I say muder?"
"Probably?"
"I ask you then, why did you choose this brutal unforgiving path of a warrior? To kill? For gold and repute? For freedom?"
"For peace..."
"For Peace? Oh, the irony of it, to fight for peace!"
"Our kingdom has been in chaos since the fall of our King. The Royal family has been in strife for that coveted throne, order in the kingdom has been lost. Didn't you join the army also with the hope of restoring the peace we once had?"
"Yes... then i shall pose another question."
"You sure have alot of questions..."
"In raiding the bandits, killing the outlaws, forestalling the rebels and terrorist destroying the peace, do you see yourself fighting for peace?"
"Sadly... no."
"You realise that through our battles, through our raids, through the fights and killings we witness and survive that the unlawful people we kill are very human; that we too destroy some other people's peace."
"True."
"We are warriors who started with noble ambitions, with righteous reasons and good hearts... Ultimately though, we are foot soldiers and these goals are not plausible; we do not see them happening nor being accomplished. We have learnt how to kill and we only know how to kill. We have lost those noble goals because we do not see them! What we have left is to fight for honour and glory."
"Honour and glory? What honour and glory? There is no honour nor glory in a warriors life. Didn't you derive that conclusion yourself?"
"Our honour and glory comes from giving our all in fighting. In fighting, we do our best in order to complete our mission at hand, in order to survive... and most importantly, to ensure that our brother in arms return in one piece. Through my battles, my honour and glory comes from doing the best for my brothers till i have breathed my last breath. We are probably still alive not solely on luck or fate; but because someone took a blow for us, someone covered our back, someone,who sacrificed himself for you and I. Therefore I will give my all for my brother in arms for what was done for me; sacrificing what i have to give, my morals, even my life. Giving my all; that is the greatest act of love for my comrade, that is my Honour and Glory!"
"Hoho... I guess that is true when you put it that way."
"My brother in arms... for Honour and Glory, till death do us part."
"I rather we live pass this tumultuous period and go back to our peaceful lives."
"Indeed.. indeed. Woe to us though, for I think peace would be a concept we grasp no longer when this is over."
Friday, April 18, 2008
Reheva
Reheva Reheva,
Jewel of Draumaland.
May ye trees flourish forever,
May ye stature be ever grand.
Ravines flow through thee ever free,
Wildlife in thee never scarce,
Ever beautiful may ye be,
And ye woods ever robust.
Reheva Reheva,
My toil in Alue never ends,
Thy solace in you my endeavour,
Thy path of freedom is through your land.
Lavea on thy other bound,
That freedom I seek,
On the other side of Lavea my hopes abound,
Perhaps… perhaps hopes too big for the meek.
Reheva Reheva,
Thy beauty my solace
Yet my despair persists forever.
My peasant life void of grace
Tribulations to remember,
Pain my daily bread.
Take… take my child from this fate so dire,
Thy path where I rather he be dead… be dead.
Jewel of Draumaland.
May ye trees flourish forever,
May ye stature be ever grand.
Ravines flow through thee ever free,
Wildlife in thee never scarce,
Ever beautiful may ye be,
And ye woods ever robust.
Reheva Reheva,
My toil in Alue never ends,
Thy solace in you my endeavour,
Thy path of freedom is through your land.
Lavea on thy other bound,
That freedom I seek,
On the other side of Lavea my hopes abound,
Perhaps… perhaps hopes too big for the meek.
Reheva Reheva,
Thy beauty my solace
Yet my despair persists forever.
My peasant life void of grace
Tribulations to remember,
Pain my daily bread.
Take… take my child from this fate so dire,
Thy path where I rather he be dead… be dead.
Monday, March 24, 2008
In retrospect
July 10, 2007, that's the date of my last post...
A myriad of events have happened since that unremarkable day...
In my opinion, few would have actually foresee what would be the series of events that i would go through for the rest of my army life. From my last posting... I was still at cmpb waiting for my bslc course in sispec, waiting to go to an advance course and become a spec somewhere(hopefully in airforce)... In summary, this was how things went:
24Sept: sispec 'b' coy
26 Sept: out of course after injury in SOC and reporting sick(MOs....)
27 Sept: posted to signals institute and failed to pass the relevant FFI to enter the course
Early Oct: posted to 6SIR as a rifleman...
Jan: turned operational...
Mar: appointment changed from 2LAW to OC linesman
Things haven't really been bright as i expected from my last post...
A JC student in a rifle coy as a rifleman is not as easy as one may think. There are only 2 'A' levels riflemen in my coy. I got quite a big culture shock when i entered platoon 18 of my coy.
1st, the chinese, malay split... there isn't any real conflict going on but as a saying goes 'like with like' Didn't have to deal with these kind of things up till well... 6SIR. I rather mix freely
2nd, really different culture from that of a JC batch... you strive for your best because you need to, because you want to... or just because you don't want to disappoint yourself, be it past failures or just because you don't want to drop below your past standards. Here in my platoon... why suffer and chiong when you just serve and f off.... why do you need to do extra work when you still get the same pay?
3rd, different values we hold? I will not smoke... have sex.... curse and swear.... gamble..... yet well... there's a significant proportion of my platoon doing that and to them, it is 'okay'. Imagine... my bmt platoon only had 1 smoker. But that aside, I'm truthfully glad that they have such blunt honesty... only a pity they see these vices as a norm of their lives. A different side of society i guess?
4th, spiritually, it is EXTREMELY taxing... there's a bunch of backsliders... moral values are seen as something which is impractical to uphold. Due to deployment, i can hardly go to church... or cell group. Help! I need someone to be accountable to... I want to listen to sermons... I want to go for praise and worship... holy communion... argh! Really miss church alot.
Nonetheless... I have grown to like... even love my platoon for who they are... though i must still admit there are still things I loathe about my platoon, a love-hate relationship in an unrefined form. I do love my section indefinitely... fun bunch of crazy dudes.
Well, from march i got the new appointment as a OC linesman which is basically more or less a company runner... less sleep at company line but also much less work at deployment. I used to think that I'm a task-orientated person... seriously, this appointment has really made me realise that i'm really more of a people-orientated person; Social butterfly perhaps?
A blog is somewhere where one is able to express.Yet like all forms of publications, the whole raw story can't be told, there's only limited space in print and there's censorship too; be it the writer or the laws he is subjected to. Subjugated freedom of speech i guess?
1st post in more than 1/2 a year. Cheers!
A myriad of events have happened since that unremarkable day...
In my opinion, few would have actually foresee what would be the series of events that i would go through for the rest of my army life. From my last posting... I was still at cmpb waiting for my bslc course in sispec, waiting to go to an advance course and become a spec somewhere(hopefully in airforce)... In summary, this was how things went:
24Sept: sispec 'b' coy
26 Sept: out of course after injury in SOC and reporting sick(MOs....)
27 Sept: posted to signals institute and failed to pass the relevant FFI to enter the course
Early Oct: posted to 6SIR as a rifleman...
Jan: turned operational...
Mar: appointment changed from 2LAW to OC linesman
Things haven't really been bright as i expected from my last post...
A JC student in a rifle coy as a rifleman is not as easy as one may think. There are only 2 'A' levels riflemen in my coy. I got quite a big culture shock when i entered platoon 18 of my coy.
1st, the chinese, malay split... there isn't any real conflict going on but as a saying goes 'like with like' Didn't have to deal with these kind of things up till well... 6SIR. I rather mix freely
2nd, really different culture from that of a JC batch... you strive for your best because you need to, because you want to... or just because you don't want to disappoint yourself, be it past failures or just because you don't want to drop below your past standards. Here in my platoon... why suffer and chiong when you just serve and f off.... why do you need to do extra work when you still get the same pay?
3rd, different values we hold? I will not smoke... have sex.... curse and swear.... gamble..... yet well... there's a significant proportion of my platoon doing that and to them, it is 'okay'. Imagine... my bmt platoon only had 1 smoker. But that aside, I'm truthfully glad that they have such blunt honesty... only a pity they see these vices as a norm of their lives. A different side of society i guess?
4th, spiritually, it is EXTREMELY taxing... there's a bunch of backsliders... moral values are seen as something which is impractical to uphold. Due to deployment, i can hardly go to church... or cell group. Help! I need someone to be accountable to... I want to listen to sermons... I want to go for praise and worship... holy communion... argh! Really miss church alot.
Nonetheless... I have grown to like... even love my platoon for who they are... though i must still admit there are still things I loathe about my platoon, a love-hate relationship in an unrefined form. I do love my section indefinitely... fun bunch of crazy dudes.
Well, from march i got the new appointment as a OC linesman which is basically more or less a company runner... less sleep at company line but also much less work at deployment. I used to think that I'm a task-orientated person... seriously, this appointment has really made me realise that i'm really more of a people-orientated person; Social butterfly perhaps?
A blog is somewhere where one is able to express.Yet like all forms of publications, the whole raw story can't be told, there's only limited space in print and there's censorship too; be it the writer or the laws he is subjected to. Subjugated freedom of speech i guess?
1st post in more than 1/2 a year. Cheers!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
back from tamworth!
i'm finally back from tamworth to hot and sunny singapore.
Great to be back to see all you guys, family and friends!
The past 7 weeks have been quite an arduous journey especially during phase 1.
So guess my dream of being a military pilot has been axed and gone. Disappointed but i guess God has other plans for me yea?
EODD: Lessons Learnt
1. In all things you pursue, sacrifices must be made.
2.Weighing the pros and cons should be done before taking any path, hanging on the fence once you've chosen your path affects your performance adversely.
3. Do your best in all you do, the chance is available there and then. Utilise opportunities.
4. Never regret anything that made you smile.
5. Goals are important but pale in significance compared to the friends around you.
6. Keep moving forward. (from meet the robinsons)
7. There are always 2 sides of a coin, a myopic perspective leads to a negative attitude and bad will
8. Sai kang is unavoidable in every phase of life.
9. What is important isn't where you are, but what you are doing at where you are at.
10. Thank God.
Flying was nonetheless a fun and enjoyable experience. The scenery, the aeros (for those i was concious enough) were spectacular! Being nagged at and scolded wasn't a nice position to be in, but at the end of the day, you realise that they are necessary. Suffering leads to growth, if there is nothing to strive against, is there anything to strive for?
Tamworth is quite a nice town, wouldn't mind going there for my retirement. The people there were very friendly (culture difference from singapore i guess?), lodging and food surpassed anything you would find in any singapore camp/base. The instructors were fierce and stern but generally nice people especially after the end of the course.
The most amazing thing though, was that i was able to go to church! Thank God for that indeed.
It is really amazing how things fall so nicely in place such that i was able to go to church, really almost like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle(for story: ask me) . Guess when you least expect it, God will use his ways to remind you that he is always there with you, in all that you go through. So while waiting to go SISPEC, time to catch up and get used to the hectic pace of Singapore...
next phase of NS awaits...
Great to be back to see all you guys, family and friends!
The past 7 weeks have been quite an arduous journey especially during phase 1.
So guess my dream of being a military pilot has been axed and gone. Disappointed but i guess God has other plans for me yea?
EODD: Lessons Learnt
1. In all things you pursue, sacrifices must be made.
2.Weighing the pros and cons should be done before taking any path, hanging on the fence once you've chosen your path affects your performance adversely.
3. Do your best in all you do, the chance is available there and then. Utilise opportunities.
4. Never regret anything that made you smile.
5. Goals are important but pale in significance compared to the friends around you.
6. Keep moving forward. (from meet the robinsons)
7. There are always 2 sides of a coin, a myopic perspective leads to a negative attitude and bad will
8. Sai kang is unavoidable in every phase of life.
9. What is important isn't where you are, but what you are doing at where you are at.
10. Thank God.
Flying was nonetheless a fun and enjoyable experience. The scenery, the aeros (for those i was concious enough) were spectacular! Being nagged at and scolded wasn't a nice position to be in, but at the end of the day, you realise that they are necessary. Suffering leads to growth, if there is nothing to strive against, is there anything to strive for?
Tamworth is quite a nice town, wouldn't mind going there for my retirement. The people there were very friendly (culture difference from singapore i guess?), lodging and food surpassed anything you would find in any singapore camp/base. The instructors were fierce and stern but generally nice people especially after the end of the course.
The most amazing thing though, was that i was able to go to church! Thank God for that indeed.
It is really amazing how things fall so nicely in place such that i was able to go to church, really almost like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle(for story: ask me) . Guess when you least expect it, God will use his ways to remind you that he is always there with you, in all that you go through. So while waiting to go SISPEC, time to catch up and get used to the hectic pace of Singapore...
next phase of NS awaits...
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am Yours, I am Yours
I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear'Cause
I am Yours
I am Yours
Tommorow is my judgement day... I pray thy will be done, not mine. Amen.
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am Yours, I am Yours
I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear'Cause
I am Yours
I am Yours
Tommorow is my judgement day... I pray thy will be done, not mine. Amen.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Reflections of BMT
Reflections on BMT
Enlisting on
2 weeks of orientation was highly appreciated as it allowed me to slowly adjust to military life.
Initially, I was perplexed at the choice to either push for the best or slack all they way. It is never good to be stuck in between and the resultant path of BMT has nonetheless gone both ways in a fickle indecisive manner.
The commanders constantly reinstate the fact that they want to see effort. However is effort really possible 100% of the time? In my opinion, it is definitely not possible; we are only humans. Perhaps one lesson learnt through BMT is that effort is needed for most if not everything – from falling in to forming up and even the various rigorous activities present – which is something I’ve yet to achieve, yet approaching there is much better than not so.
Activities which were fun definitely had more effort and enthusiasm put forth. IMT and range were extremely fun though the IAs experienced were irritating. My physical state had declined significantly after not doing physical training for close to 6 months and thus IPPT had lead to consistent failure which was demoralising. Yet with motivation from section mates, I was able to pass the re-IPPT.
The greatest blessing of BMT was perhaps the people who I encountered. My section mates are great with the talking cock sessions and outings. The commanders are good in the aspect that they discipline with reasonable demands though sadly that is not the case for a certain sadistic PTI. Camaraderie present was perhaps the most encouraging aspect of BMT life experienced thus far; the greatest manifestation of it at company level was probably games day.
Outfield was another interesting aspect of BMT; IFC, field camp and SIT TEST all teaching me how to be tactical about being out in the field. Digging your own shit hole was an interesting experience. Fire and Movement was fun and the BIC at the end of field camp was something to be remembered and a highlight to come for BAC. Not littering in outfield is importantly tactically (both in war and to avoid punishment) and keeping everything neatly packed inside a field pack were certain basic necessities learned which I found fundamental to outfield.
Dressing properly and smartly is something learned and something I am still trying to achieve as I was a highly unorganised untidy person before I enlisted. I didn’t place a high emphasis on how I carried my exterior looks but from BMT, I learned that looks do matter. Would one give his utmost attention and respect to a commander who dresses sloppy? Probably not I should think. More importantly, carrying yourself well makes you feel good which really makes things more easy going because you feel good about yourself.
The carrot and stick, boon and bane, reward and punishment are perhaps the most fundamental aspects of discipline in the army. Yet the most important discipline is perhaps self-discipline and at times with punishment the main control, it is definitely difficult to instill that in me. On the other hand, when reasonable discipline was re-enforced with reasoning and honestly, it somehow allowed me to see the fallible flaw of my thinking and attitude, thus instilling self-discipline. With unreasonable punishments which are absolutely unnecessary, nothing gets into your head as one is either too pissed or too shut off to think properly.
Sometimes commanders give you the impression that they think that you are trying to slack which maybe true at time yet when it isn’t it is extremely demoralising which I’m sure that I’m not the only one who has gotten that feeling. They say commanders know what recruits do, but in retrospect isn’t every individual is different?
Perhaps the most enriching aspect of BMT thus far is that is has allowed me to appreciate the things around me more, be it the computer, television or a hot shower. Some aspects of life can only been seen once a different perspective has been taken and perhaps only a different style of living (BMT) are able to highlight them.
The physical and mental aspects were pretty though at the start with such a dilapidated state of body and mind subjected to rigid no-nonsense regimentation. I can’t say they aren’t challenging presently as they are in one way or another. The SOC half run-down was shag enough and I know that the upcoming full run-down will probably push me further. Yet if you don’t feel any strain or suffering, you know that you aren’t improving be it physically or mentally. I just hope I’ve grown stronger to cope with the next phase of NS.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Army
J2406.
That is my 4D no. in army.
The range of my vocab is dwindling to a miserly pathetic state and the cognitive aspect of my mind is beginning to rust.
3G... we are supposed to be thinking, yet ironically everything is run by SOP which means the reason behind it is just because.
Playing battlefield 2142 has a different kind of aura now. Yet no matter how close it gets, there is no way real war is like that.
BMT is almost over and the major elements like outfield, range and grenade throw are done, time to get my body fit and into shape over the next 3 weeks! Silver for IPPT!
Results are coming soon... Trust and Obey.
That is my 4D no. in army.
The range of my vocab is dwindling to a miserly pathetic state and the cognitive aspect of my mind is beginning to rust.
3G... we are supposed to be thinking, yet ironically everything is run by SOP which means the reason behind it is just because.
Playing battlefield 2142 has a different kind of aura now. Yet no matter how close it gets, there is no way real war is like that.
BMT is almost over and the major elements like outfield, range and grenade throw are done, time to get my body fit and into shape over the next 3 weeks! Silver for IPPT!
Results are coming soon... Trust and Obey.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
New house and intro
02:09.85 to get out
06:41.06 to get to the gate
09:01.35 to get in.
Finally moved to my new house. Address is:
36 Sturdee Road #04-13 Kerrisdale
Singapore 207855
The common feeling is... this house seems like the executive suite of some hotel, not home.
Homesick is a way to put it, oh the irony in that though. The buses passing through here are foreign to me. The buildings are reminiscent of that in a foreign land; Disquieting queer feeling i get just being in farrer park.
Jaywalking has upgraded 1 level from 2 lanes, to 3 lanes. The opposite direction of the roads are probably 200m from each other. It costs $2 to get to church.
Yet on hindsight, 10 minutes walk to farrer park station and from there, 15 minutes to orchard mrt, 15 minutes to harbourfront. Not bad at all in my opinion.
Yesterday(a few hours ago) was my last time in church for the next few weeks. Won't be able to spend that much time with God during NS. Perhaps could be spending more time in prayer during the waiting and in between stuff, but boy will i miss praise and fellowship for the next 2 weeks. Courage.
Frax sat there idly, rows of lights whizzed by as the train sped along the tunnel.
"Terrorism is a real threat," the vernacular voice projected from one of the countless speakers on board the train. "Stay vigilant and do your part against terrorism, please report any suspicious items you notice..."
He could not be bothered to listen to the rest of indoctrinating slur of words read out intermittently. He let his gaze wonder, only to see rows of... people mindlessly staring at images of terrorist attacks, wars, natural disasters and other calamities. Anxiety and fear were written all over the faces of these... people; The only sound heard were the screeching of the tracks and the resonating monotone of the speakers.
"There must be more than this," he thought to himself. "Is there no meaning to the things around me?"
Frax was heading for...
06:41.06 to get to the gate
09:01.35 to get in.
Finally moved to my new house. Address is:
36 Sturdee Road #04-13 Kerrisdale
Singapore 207855
The common feeling is... this house seems like the executive suite of some hotel, not home.
Homesick is a way to put it, oh the irony in that though. The buses passing through here are foreign to me. The buildings are reminiscent of that in a foreign land; Disquieting queer feeling i get just being in farrer park.
Jaywalking has upgraded 1 level from 2 lanes, to 3 lanes. The opposite direction of the roads are probably 200m from each other. It costs $2 to get to church.
Yet on hindsight, 10 minutes walk to farrer park station and from there, 15 minutes to orchard mrt, 15 minutes to harbourfront. Not bad at all in my opinion.
Yesterday(a few hours ago) was my last time in church for the next few weeks. Won't be able to spend that much time with God during NS. Perhaps could be spending more time in prayer during the waiting and in between stuff, but boy will i miss praise and fellowship for the next 2 weeks. Courage.
Frax sat there idly, rows of lights whizzed by as the train sped along the tunnel.
"Terrorism is a real threat," the vernacular voice projected from one of the countless speakers on board the train. "Stay vigilant and do your part against terrorism, please report any suspicious items you notice..."
He could not be bothered to listen to the rest of indoctrinating slur of words read out intermittently. He let his gaze wonder, only to see rows of... people mindlessly staring at images of terrorist attacks, wars, natural disasters and other calamities. Anxiety and fear were written all over the faces of these... people; The only sound heard were the screeching of the tracks and the resonating monotone of the speakers.
"There must be more than this," he thought to himself. "Is there no meaning to the things around me?"
Frax was heading for...
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Growing old
*beep*
gone are the days of 45c bus journeys and mrt train rides.
12 days... make that 11 to NS.
Another year looms, and i'm more than grateful for the year that has passed.
A rather quiet year though there were A levels and stuff. Nothing big in my social life or spiritual walk in my opinion.
Word, Prayer, Praise.
New Year Resolutions:
Keep track of all my finances every month, with increased transport fees I need better management.
Grow closer to God
Stick to my principles though influences might change that otherwise.
Haywire.....
gone are the days of 45c bus journeys and mrt train rides.
12 days... make that 11 to NS.
Another year looms, and i'm more than grateful for the year that has passed.
A rather quiet year though there were A levels and stuff. Nothing big in my social life or spiritual walk in my opinion.
Word, Prayer, Praise.
New Year Resolutions:
Keep track of all my finances every month, with increased transport fees I need better management.
Grow closer to God
Stick to my principles though influences might change that otherwise.
Haywire.....
Friday, December 08, 2006
Corrections for paper 1
packing/throwing my room away. I'm moving house soon!
Anyways found this is my rooom...
Corrections for Paper 1
Cinderella: The True Story
Many of you think you know the real story of Cinderella, however, it is not the truth. This is how it really goes(went, bad grammer in sec 1) ...
Cinderella was an orphan living in the "Little Brats Orphanage". As She was the oldest, at the age of 16, she was forced by the evil Matron to do all the chores. Cinderella had the thought of taking her life away. But refrained from it as she did not want to upset her younger friends at the orphanage. Sadly, Cinderella could take no more and was prepared to slash her throat. Fortunately Mrs Jones adopted her straught away (I'm wondering how i wrote her into the story)
Cinderella moved to Mrs Jone's house the next day. She was mesmorized upon seeing the massive size of Mrs Jones' mansion and courtyard. Jones was a career-minded single woman and due to loniness, she loved Cinderella with all her heart. In Cinderella's eyes, Mrs Jones was the greatest adopted mom. ( you can adopt a mother?)
One day, while strolling by the mansion's pond. She saw a wonderfully handsome frog in the pond and kissed it due to her uneducated mind. She was immediately transported to a bed in an eerie castle in the middle of nowhere and since the frog's mouth was coated with sleeping juice(sleeping frog breed) , she fell asleep.
A hundred... minutes passed when a prince entered the castle and saw Cinderella, he decided to make love to her due to her uncomparable beauty(horny in sec 1 liao... haiz) Upon approaching, Cinderella woke up and slapped him, cursing him about his soon to be done action. Since she like him anyway, they got married and lived happily ever after... for twenty years since... well thats another story.
Red are my comments.... my gosh sec 1... Didn't know how terrible my english was. Quite fun to find old things... anyways, back to packing!
Anyways found this is my rooom...
Corrections for Paper 1
Cinderella: The True Story
Many of you think you know the real story of Cinderella, however, it is not the truth. This is how it really goes(went, bad grammer in sec 1) ...
Cinderella was an orphan living in the "Little Brats Orphanage". As She was the oldest, at the age of 16, she was forced by the evil Matron to do all the chores. Cinderella had the thought of taking her life away. But refrained from it as she did not want to upset her younger friends at the orphanage. Sadly, Cinderella could take no more and was prepared to slash her throat. Fortunately Mrs Jones adopted her straught away (I'm wondering how i wrote her into the story)
Cinderella moved to Mrs Jone's house the next day. She was mesmorized upon seeing the massive size of Mrs Jones' mansion and courtyard. Jones was a career-minded single woman and due to loniness, she loved Cinderella with all her heart. In Cinderella's eyes, Mrs Jones was the greatest adopted mom. ( you can adopt a mother?)
One day, while strolling by the mansion's pond. She saw a wonderfully handsome frog in the pond and kissed it due to her uneducated mind. She was immediately transported to a bed in an eerie castle in the middle of nowhere and since the frog's mouth was coated with sleeping juice(sleeping frog breed) , she fell asleep.
A hundred... minutes passed when a prince entered the castle and saw Cinderella, he decided to make love to her due to her uncomparable beauty(horny in sec 1 liao... haiz) Upon approaching, Cinderella woke up and slapped him, cursing him about his soon to be done action. Since she like him anyway, they got married and lived happily ever after... for twenty years since... well thats another story.
Red are my comments.... my gosh sec 1... Didn't know how terrible my english was. Quite fun to find old things... anyways, back to packing!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
JC2
I think i've recapped about my j1 life before, so here's my j2 life.
In the beginning pace is lost,
Trudging through, my lost the cost.
Same class, different form
My situation seemed forlorn.
Tinkering, changing, transformation imminent,
Coping, struggling, challenges loomed.
Juniors few, sound changed, dispirited music.
Grades plummet, dilapidated downfall.
Mediocre showing, regrets abound,
No… no regret, it voids one’s soul.
A chapter closes in C minor,
A new challenge looms,
Can I cope? Oh I don’t know.
Relationships weaken, yet others strengthen,
Fickleness, convenience the law, loyalty is meek.
The hill passed, yet no triumph with mediocre passage.
The mountain loomed, menacing, sinister, yet unavoidable.
Gearing up, with friends present and past,
Reminiscent memories whirled of the climb before.
Spiritual, rumbling roll, a trek in light and dark.
The word to carry me through,
Faithful when I was faithless,
A comfort like no other, the journey continues.
Past the summit, results wait,
Once again… challenges recur,
Inexorable fate.
In the beginning pace is lost,
Trudging through, my lost the cost.
Same class, different form
My situation seemed forlorn.
Tinkering, changing, transformation imminent,
Coping, struggling, challenges loomed.
Juniors few, sound changed, dispirited music.
Grades plummet, dilapidated downfall.
Mediocre showing, regrets abound,
No… no regret, it voids one’s soul.
A chapter closes in C minor,
A new challenge looms,
Can I cope? Oh I don’t know.
Relationships weaken, yet others strengthen,
Fickleness, convenience the law, loyalty is meek.
The hill passed, yet no triumph with mediocre passage.
The mountain loomed, menacing, sinister, yet unavoidable.
Gearing up, with friends present and past,
Reminiscent memories whirled of the climb before.
Spiritual, rumbling roll, a trek in light and dark.
The word to carry me through,
Faithful when I was faithless,
A comfort like no other, the journey continues.
Past the summit, results wait,
Once again… challenges recur,
Inexorable fate.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
JC life is over
JC life is over!
Been 2 days since my last paper ended. Bio S.
Month of papers are over and well, its the time of year again. Holidays, real holidays!
Not sure what i'm gonna do after this week though.
Sat- cous's wedding dinner
Sun- prom!
Class chalet was pretty fun... but 1 day only, quite sad right? But the turn up was pretty good, only aravin didn't go. Ps2 is an anti-social device... but fun nonetheless. bridge, ratrace, too bad didn't play mahjong.
Should I get a job? do community service? go out like mad? start writing again? battlefield?
They say you lose direction after As, well hopefully it is temporary, can't even remember what i did after O's.
Anyways battlefield 2142 is fun, too bad i can't shoot for nuts, so the second best option is to spray like crazy. Gone Medic again... still wondering why i chose to go medic though.
I got nothing to write... i think my brain is being wasted. Decadant lifestyle...
Been 2 days since my last paper ended. Bio S.
Month of papers are over and well, its the time of year again. Holidays, real holidays!
Not sure what i'm gonna do after this week though.
Sat- cous's wedding dinner
Sun- prom!
Class chalet was pretty fun... but 1 day only, quite sad right? But the turn up was pretty good, only aravin didn't go. Ps2 is an anti-social device... but fun nonetheless. bridge, ratrace, too bad didn't play mahjong.
Should I get a job? do community service? go out like mad? start writing again? battlefield?
They say you lose direction after As, well hopefully it is temporary, can't even remember what i did after O's.
Anyways battlefield 2142 is fun, too bad i can't shoot for nuts, so the second best option is to spray like crazy. Gone Medic again... still wondering why i chose to go medic though.
I got nothing to write... i think my brain is being wasted. Decadant lifestyle...
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